In honor of the start of March Madness, I give you my Top 10 interpretations of “If Fleet Management Were like College Basketball.” You can see my brain is on important things. Warning, you have to be a big fan of college basketball to get some of these. Feel free to contribute your own in the comments section.
1. Fleet managers would get “in-home visits” from manufacturers looking for their business. They would then choose an auto manufacturer by putting on one of three OEM baseball caps during a live broadcast on ESPN.
2. The Final Four would usually be GM, Ford, Chrysler and a Cinderella.
3. Some car dealers would get in trouble for “loaning” fleet managers cars. (Oops, I’ll stick to hypotheticals.)
4. Vehicles for the fleet selector would be chosen on Selection Sunday. Much argument would ensue.
5. Ranking, RPI and Strength of Schedule would be replaced by Fuel Economy, Residual Value and Total Cost of Ownership.
6. Rick Wagoner would still be playing basketball for Duke* and Mike Krzyzewski would be running General Motors.
7. “One and done” signifies the fleet manager who has one beer at fleet preview and heads back up to the hotel room. “Zone defense” is a way to use your telematics system to geo-fence the bar you want to keep your drivers away from.
8. Car models would be ranked as two-, three-, four- or five-star prospects. A “blue chip” prospect is a car model with a $5,000 fleet incentive and a three-year residual value of 60%.
9. When fleet managers accept the “Fleet Manager of the Year Award” they would stand on a step stool and cut down a pickup truck bed net.
10. And the end of the awards ceremony would be accompanied by the song, “One Shining Moment.”
*Wagoner played on Duke’s last freshman team in 1972.